We must learn to navigate the path of grief and integrate the loss 

into our lives as we learn to live without our loved ones.

It is a spiritual journey, a rebirth of who we are now that our loved is gone.

My hope is that within these pages you will find hope, health and healing for your journey.

My Name is Carol.  I am Red's Mom.

It all started one day when Bryan was in elementary school.  The story of that day warms the cockle of my heart as I think back on that precious memory.

I was a single mom.  We lived in Las Vegas at the time.  We lived in a one bedroom apartment.  I had never lived in an apartment complex before.  It was like a community all its own.   I worked at a 9-5 job and Bryan went to the afterschool program, Safe Key, when school got out.  He'd stay until I got there to pick him up after work.  One day when I had arrived to pick him up, he towards me all excited.  It was clear he had something he wanted to tell me.  

A few weeks prior to this, Bryan had been in the school talent show, doing his "famous" animal sounds.  He could do all the farm animals and more.  He was quite proud of this "talent".  After being in this talent show he became a "popular kid, an overnight sensation and he would tell me, "Mom, everyone knows who I am now!"  I would smile inside and say I know you are famous! 

 Well, this particular day when I arrived to pick him up, he ran up to me excited to get out to the truck, it seemed he had something important to tell me.  While we were driving home and he announced that he would like to be called "Red" from here out. To say the least I was surprised, I had no clue where the wanting his name to be "Red" came from!  He is a redhead after all and,  I would always tell him that God didn't make many redheads, and he was special in that way. I just didn't know where this all came from, but he was adamant and I said that he could have his friends call him Red, but I liked his name Bryan.  He agreed.  He also declared that day that from now on, he would part his hair in middle.  

This is how our page got the name.  It honors my son and who he was and what he desired in the world. There's meaning in it, Hope.  This is how I am making meaning for my life.  Finding meaning takes time.  It evolves organically when we allow ourselves to grieve and take the time we need to process deep loss.

I have had many types of loss in my life.  Some of the most important people in my life have died from cancer, diabetes, suicide, and old age.  I've also experienced a divorce, job/career loss, pet loss.  The most profound and deepest pain was the loss of my only child, Bryan, aka "Red", who died by suicide.

I don't want anyone to feel so hopeless that they feel this life isn't worth staying.  Life is hard.  Life brings challenges we don't know how to face at times.  If we cant connect with others and share our challenges without judgement or feeling shameful, how are we to survive?  We cannot is the bottom line.  Community is everything.  We need our tribe to help us survive, and feel connected.

Life is about learning, living, hoping.  It takes work and it takes a safe community of friends and family to help us.  I continue to walk forward while still grieving, and holding onto life with hope.  I have learned that grief and hope can live side by side.

We all grieve differently.  Our grief is as unique as our finger print.  My hope is that you know you are not alone, and that there is hope and healing and someone is always available to listen.

If you feel isolated and alone or you're going through a crisis of any kind, please reach out to 988 either by text or phone call! 

As a Wellness Coach, Certified Grief Educator, and Certified Grief Movement Guide, I offer a grief companioning service, Peer 2 Peer support groups, workshops on Wellness, Grief Education and Grief Movement classes.  

If this sounds like something that would benefit you, I offer a free 20 minute discovery call when you are ready to take that step.

Reach out through  FB messenger @ Reds Lighthouseofhope to set up that call.